Thanks so much to Jennifer Kendrick, Shelley Russell, Ashley Gregg of Conway, AR for your donation of books. I am so grateful to friends I have met along the journey of my life. You are special and I really appreciate your book club thinking of us and our little Cameron. God Bless You!

Thanks to all my wonderful family and friends, Heaven Day this year was actually filled with more smiles than tears. We had a wonderful day in which we celebrated Cameron’s life and legacy. I read to two classes of children– Brooklynn’s kindergarten class at Butterfield and Carington’s 3 and 4 year old class at the Nursery School. The children were very well-behaved and attentive. They seemed to understand how important the day was to us and showed more respect than I am used to seeing in these age groups! I left handfuls of books at both schools and the kiddos were thrilled to get them. It truly warmed my heart.
We made two $100 donations to charities in Cameron’s honor yesterday. The first was to UMCOR– United Methodist Committee on Relief. They help victims of natural disasters all over the world. The other was to the Cameron Averitt Bobbitt Memorial Fund. It is non-profit and we are able to suppport children’s charities on a yearly basis from the income and interest of this fund. This year we supported the Friend’s of Children Fund that is sponsored by the American Academy of Pediatrics and the Wade Knox Advocacy Center in Arkansas that works with victims of child abuse. It is so exciting that as this fund grows we are able to continue helping charities that help children with larger and larger donations. Both of these organizations received $500!

We were joined by my parents and sister, and after the second school visit we had a nice long lunch.  Then I was emotionally exhausted so I took a rest.  When the girls got home from school they let some balloons go to Cameron in Heaven.  We finished the day with the season premier of our favorite show– American Idol!

The best part of the day was all the love expressed by friends and family.  I received lots of texts, emails and face-book messages.  I know that lots of people remembered Cameron and sent love and prayers up for us!  It was amazing to feel so loved.  I know Cameron will never be forgotten!

Thank you to Judge Beth Storey-Bryan for the large bag of books she donated yesterday!  She was so generous and will make some children very happy.  Sharing books with kids is truly a gift I cherish!

Thanks to all of you who made Heaven Day 2011 special.  Know that I love you and thank you for blessing our family with your love.  Cameron is smiling down and blessing all of us with her spirit!

Today is a day that would be hard for any parent who has lost her child. It is the five year anniversary of the day that Cameron died. I am sad and lost without my baby. But today I want to try to celebrate Cameron’s life, not her death. I want to focus on the beautiful child that she was, not all the emptiness and loss that I feel since she died.
Cameron was conceived by in vitro fertilization. I was not one of those women who struggled with infertility for years, devastated on a monthly basis. It was really a therapeutic pregnancy that just would not occur naturally. I had severe endometriosis, and at 28, I was told to get pregnant or take a medication that would make my body feel it was menopausal. Well, I chose the pregnancy because I knew I wanted to be a mother and I guessed this was obviously the time!
Cameron’s egg survived and implanted itself while two others did not. She was a survivor from the very start. I made it through nine months and she was born healthy and tiny– 6 lbs 3 oz. She had a sizable brown birth mark right in the center of her back.
From the very beginning it was clear that Cameron was special. Every mother thinks her child is the most fabulous of all babies, but I tell you that Cameron was different. She had this quality abouut her that made her seem almost too good to be true.  She caught on so quickly, rapidly learning to crawl, walk, run… She talked and sang.  She was compassionate and loving.  She had empathy from an early age– way before you would expect a little ego-centric toddler to consider the wants or needs of others.  I remember once bragging to one of my friends about one of Cameron’s exceptional new talents and the friend said, “Yeah, that’s Cameron!”  She was so amazing that it became acceptable to all of us that she could do just about anything.

Cameron was one of the smallest infants you could imagine.  She grew so slowly that it really worried me.  By her one year birthday she was only just over 15 lbs.  Her little sister was born when Cameron was only 14 months old.  She came out weighing 8-1 and I feared that she would outweigh Cameron in no time.  During Cameron’s second year, we pumped her full of high calorie drinks.  By the time Cameron was 2 she weighed 22 lbs– the weight of an average 12 month old.  Kennedy did catch up with her.  After Cameron turned 2, the two of them were always within a lb of one another.  But Cameron’s size never stopped her from doing anything she put her mind to!

Let me give you a couple of examples of Cameron’s amazing talents– pardon me why I boast.  When Cameron was 17 months old, I started teaching her sign language.  She knew probably 50 signs, and soon learned the sign for each letter of the alphabet.  She was incredible at working puzzles.  She used to help her sisters (and even the adults helping them) by placing the piece near the right spot and saying “why don’t you try putting it here?”  When she started K-4 she was working 100 piece puzzles by herself. 

At 3 Cameron got interested in learning the Lord’s Prayer.  She would listen as we recited in church, and one day recited it back to me almost perfectly.  I had her show off to her Sunday school teacher who was so impressed she had Cameron lead the Lord’s Prayer in church.  She bravely spoke into the microphone in front of the entire congregation!

Cameron could say her ABCs backwards, knew numbers and colors in Spanish, could draw and color very well and was starting to read her first semester of Kindergarten.  She was an incredible gymnast, the youngest and smallest child in her gymnastics class.  She was turning cartwheels well before age 4 and could do one-handed cartwheels at 5.  She could flip on the trampoline (and couch)!  She also played t-ball and basketball.  Her athletic abilities made her Daddy one proud Papa!

Cameron was a happy, healthy, well-adjusted, and well-loved child.  Her future was so bright.  The only thing Cameron ever did wrong was to leave this world too soon.  I know without a doubt that Cameron would have left a mark on this world.  She would have made a difference in people’s lives.  It is so unfair that she did not get her chance to live that life.  Yes, she was here for a short time.  And yes the time that she was here was incredible.  Everyone who knew Cam could tell how special she was.  But her life was cut way too short.  It is a tragedy beyond words.  I am sorry for this world she left behind that it no longer gets to experience her, because she was just that amazing!

Now that she is gone, it is hard not to be bitter.  As her mother I feel cheated.  But I do believe, despite my anger and pain, that she is in Heaven.  She is in a place of continual joy and happiness.  She is loved and cherished.  She will never be hurt again.  And she still has the opportunity to make a difference here in this world.  Her books and financial contributions have touched so many children and families.  All over children are reading books because they were shared for Cameron.  We have been able to support children’s hospitals, shelters, schools and libraries.  Everytime I hand a child a book from Cameron’s Amazing Book Club, I know that Cameron is helping that child.  She is creating a legacy for them.  She is still sharing her light and that special something that is all too rare in this world today.  Cameron is love, and that love lives on. 

I love and miss you, baby girl.  I wish that I could hold you and see your face.  You were and always will be my special angel.  You made my life so wonderful.  You gave me the greatest gift– the gift of being your Mama.  I will never let a day go by that I don’t try to make this world a little better just for you.  You are my inspiration and I love you with the deepest and most eternal of love– a Mother’s love.

It’s been way too long since I have posted. I just have not been myself lately. All the energy and passion I normally have for the things that are important to me have been missing. It’s been a long and lonely fall and winter.
But I am starting to come back around. I am feeling a litte more like me. I have so much I want to say about Cameron as well as to thank all those who give books and donatations in her memory. I just haven’t had it in me lately to get on this blog and say what I need to say.
That’s how life is for me now that I have lost Cameron. Sometimes I am okay and I think “hey, I am doing this. I am surviving!” Other times I am so empty I feel as if someone has drained all the blood from my veins. And then sometimes I am in the middle of those two states and I just exist– neither happy nor devastated, hopeful nor lost. That is where I am now. But I am on my way back!

We decided to make donations to Friends of Children (Associated with the American Academy of Pediatrics) and to the Wade Knox Adocacy Center in Lonoke AR. We donated $500 each to these organizations. Thank you everyone who donated to our Fund. We are putting your money to good use in the name of our beloved angel. I miss Cameron everyday. I have 3 little girls who help me, but he problem is, I’m missing one, and I always will. Derrick

I sent books to the Women’s Shelter in Newport, AR, Women’s Crisis Center in Jonesboro, AR, Women and Children First in Little Rock, AR, White River Battered Women’s Shelter in Newport, AR, White County Domestic Violence Prevention in Searcy, AR, Wade Knox Advocacy Center in Lonoke, AR, Saline County Safe Haven in Benton, AR, Safe Place in Morrilton, AR, River Valley Shelter for Women and Children in Russellivlle, AR, Project Hospitality in Staten Island, NY, and Potters Clay Crisis Shelter for Women and Children in Hot Springs, AR.

We continue to get books for friends and family. The Lane Family from Pleasant Hope, MO. The Wingert Family from Franklin, TN. The Averitt Family from Rogers, AR. The Murhpy Family from Rogers, AR. The Weller Family from Fayetteville, AR. The Butterfield book club collected books. Gable Sloan’s grandmother donated, Kimberly Weller, and the Carr Family from Nashville, TN also made donations. Thanks to everybody for their books, donations, thoughts, and prayers. Derrick Bobbitt.

As the shock and horror of the unexpected loss of our precious Cameron wears off, I am left with a daily sadness as I am constantly reminded of all the things she will never experience. She loved everything we did, and she was very happy, so I have no regrets there. I just want her to have more. I want her to be 10!

May is here. Wonder why it is called May? Is it because this month is filled with possibilities? MAY-be?! May 13 would have been Cameron’s 10th birthday. This is the last year she will have been here longer than she will be gone. She was 5 when she left us. It feels shorter and longer all at the same time. It is weird to think that I have actually survived this much time without Cameron. Before she died, if you had asked me– I would have said I could not survive the loss of Cameron (or any of my children). But no one asked, and it happened. It hurts to remember, but it hurts more to forget!
I am thrilled that my friends in McAlester are ready to host another celebration for Cameron’s birthday. You guys are soooooo great. I am forever grateful for the love and continued support our family receives from the McA bunch!

So it is May. It may be a good month. It may be a bad month. My hunch is there will be some good days, some bad days, and some in-between days. But this month is swimming with possibilities and filled with Hope. That is exciting. And I reach out my hand to Cameron in anticipation that maybe she will reach back. Maybe I will feel her presence in all that I do. Maybe she will guide me in the right direction. Maybe I will get the chance to be a better person with my guardian angel at my side.
I love you, Cam!

I recently discovered the author of the quote which was something to the effect of: “Fiction is different from life in that fiction has to make sense.” It was Mark Twain–who else?!!

Sometimes I am crying before I know why. I tell you, Sundays are the hardest. You know how hard and crazy it is just getting everyone dressed, out the door, and to church on time? And then it starts– the music. I choose the contemporary service– and that praise and worship music makes me cry everytime.
When Cameron died I would go to the contemporary service at my dad’s church. I feel bad for him because I would sit in the front row and cry. After some time passed, I couldn’t cry– this started about a year following her death. Now I cry again, but this time the tears are different. Before I cried because I was mad at God. I felt betrayed and none of what we sang felt real. I wept for my losses– my daughter, my security, my faith.
Now my tears sting a little less. They are mixed tears– happy/sad. I am still in pain and my heart still aches. But I feel the presence of God when those songs are sung. I feel it before I think it. It just hits me. And I am so glad to have that back.
I am crying right now. At times I cry buckets of tears. Some are sad, some are happy. But they are all proof of the existence of feelings. And that is good. I feel, therefore I am. I cry, therefore I live. I am able to rest in the knowlegde and belief that my God is with me. Emanuel. And that is good enough for me right now!