Dear Meredith:

I went to your funeral this weekend.  It is hard to believe after all these years I’ve known you, that you are really gone.  Since 9th grade you have been a part of my life– whether in the same town or far away.  We have lost touch recently, but I have kept you on my heart. Yours was a tortuous journey.

Meredith, you taught me something this weekend.  I have spent the last 5 1/2 years bitter and feeling spiritually abandonned.  I have felt cheated and angry.  I’ve walked around with this chip on my shoulder because of what happened to Cameron.  I have forgotten to step back,  take a look at my life and realize  I have been blessed.  I am blessed.

You always struggled to find your way.  I don’t think you have been happy since the day I met you.  You felt like an alien in your own skin.  You looked for happiness and truth and acceptance in many places, but you never found it.  You had a hard life.  But now, this life is over and I believe you can finally find that peace you searched for all your days.  You can truly rest.  You are finally safe.

Cameron never suffered from a lack of joy.  She had confidence and she felt loved.  She was able to connect and relate to people in a special, almost angelic, way. She never had to fight the demons that you fought.  She never had to experience emotional pain, the kind that tears at your heart, right to the core of your being.  She never went through Hell on Earth.  And for that I am now thankful.

The two of you have found the same place in the end.  It is the place we will all go when our time has come.  Your circumstances were so different.  You needed to be healed in a way that this earth could not provide.  Cameron was an innocent child who hadn’t yet had the opportunity to make choices to her own detriment.   Yet you are now both His.  Maybe– as I’m often told– you always were.  The fact that I am even thinking this, let alone writing it, is a huge leap for me.  For that I thank you, Meredith.

You must be speaking to me now, and telling me what you couldn’t when you were here.  What you are saying IS important, and I am listening to you, friend.  I hope that you will truly rest in peace.  You don’t have to hurt anymore. 

I am sending love to your family.  They are in the dawn of your passing, and there are dark days ahead.  They will mourn you.  They will have emotions of anger, guilt, relief, denial…  They will hurt and ache for the loss of you.  You are their flesh and blood.  They will need something to get them through this.  I pray for them what helped me survive— hope.  I wish for them to lean of that mustard seed of faith when it all seems just too unfathomable.  My faith was shaken in a massive way.  It was like a fragile flower standing alone on an open field.  The wind blew harder than ever and when it had passed by the flower was wilted and hung its head.  But time, and sunshine, and rain, and other flowers have encouraged it to stand again.  And it is moving up, finally able to open its petals toward the sun.  Thank you for helping me to get a step closer.  I’m getting there.  I can almost see the light!  Shine on, Meredith.  Love and Peace be yours!

Love, Su