Today is a day that would be hard for any parent who has lost her child. It is the five year anniversary of the day that Cameron died. I am sad and lost without my baby. But today I want to try to celebrate Cameron’s life, not her death. I want to focus on the beautiful child that she was, not all the emptiness and loss that I feel since she died.
Cameron was conceived by in vitro fertilization. I was not one of those women who struggled with infertility for years, devastated on a monthly basis. It was really a therapeutic pregnancy that just would not occur naturally. I had severe endometriosis, and at 28, I was told to get pregnant or take a medication that would make my body feel it was menopausal. Well, I chose the pregnancy because I knew I wanted to be a mother and I guessed this was obviously the time!
Cameron’s egg survived and implanted itself while two others did not. She was a survivor from the very start. I made it through nine months and she was born healthy and tiny– 6 lbs 3 oz. She had a sizable brown birth mark right in the center of her back.
From the very beginning it was clear that Cameron was special. Every mother thinks her child is the most fabulous of all babies, but I tell you that Cameron was different. She had this quality abouut her that made her seem almost too good to be true. She caught on so quickly, rapidly learning to crawl, walk, run… She talked and sang. She was compassionate and loving. She had empathy from an early age– way before you would expect a little ego-centric toddler to consider the wants or needs of others. I remember once bragging to one of my friends about one of Cameron’s exceptional new talents and the friend said, “Yeah, that’s Cameron!” She was so amazing that it became acceptable to all of us that she could do just about anything.
Cameron was one of the smallest infants you could imagine. She grew so slowly that it really worried me. By her one year birthday she was only just over 15 lbs. Her little sister was born when Cameron was only 14 months old. She came out weighing 8-1 and I feared that she would outweigh Cameron in no time. During Cameron’s second year, we pumped her full of high calorie drinks. By the time Cameron was 2 she weighed 22 lbs– the weight of an average 12 month old. Kennedy did catch up with her. After Cameron turned 2, the two of them were always within a lb of one another. But Cameron’s size never stopped her from doing anything she put her mind to!
Let me give you a couple of examples of Cameron’s amazing talents– pardon me why I boast. When Cameron was 17 months old, I started teaching her sign language. She knew probably 50 signs, and soon learned the sign for each letter of the alphabet. She was incredible at working puzzles. She used to help her sisters (and even the adults helping them) by placing the piece near the right spot and saying “why don’t you try putting it here?” When she started K-4 she was working 100 piece puzzles by herself.
At 3 Cameron got interested in learning the Lord’s Prayer. She would listen as we recited in church, and one day recited it back to me almost perfectly. I had her show off to her Sunday school teacher who was so impressed she had Cameron lead the Lord’s Prayer in church. She bravely spoke into the microphone in front of the entire congregation!
Cameron could say her ABCs backwards, knew numbers and colors in Spanish, could draw and color very well and was starting to read her first semester of Kindergarten. She was an incredible gymnast, the youngest and smallest child in her gymnastics class. She was turning cartwheels well before age 4 and could do one-handed cartwheels at 5. She could flip on the trampoline (and couch)! She also played t-ball and basketball. Her athletic abilities made her Daddy one proud Papa!
Cameron was a happy, healthy, well-adjusted, and well-loved child. Her future was so bright. The only thing Cameron ever did wrong was to leave this world too soon. I know without a doubt that Cameron would have left a mark on this world. She would have made a difference in people’s lives. It is so unfair that she did not get her chance to live that life. Yes, she was here for a short time. And yes the time that she was here was incredible. Everyone who knew Cam could tell how special she was. But her life was cut way too short. It is a tragedy beyond words. I am sorry for this world she left behind that it no longer gets to experience her, because she was just that amazing!
Now that she is gone, it is hard not to be bitter. As her mother I feel cheated. But I do believe, despite my anger and pain, that she is in Heaven. She is in a place of continual joy and happiness. She is loved and cherished. She will never be hurt again. And she still has the opportunity to make a difference here in this world. Her books and financial contributions have touched so many children and families. All over children are reading books because they were shared for Cameron. We have been able to support children’s hospitals, shelters, schools and libraries. Everytime I hand a child a book from Cameron’s Amazing Book Club, I know that Cameron is helping that child. She is creating a legacy for them. She is still sharing her light and that special something that is all too rare in this world today. Cameron is love, and that love lives on.
I love and miss you, baby girl. I wish that I could hold you and see your face. You were and always will be my special angel. You made my life so wonderful. You gave me the greatest gift– the gift of being your Mama. I will never let a day go by that I don’t try to make this world a little better just for you. You are my inspiration and I love you with the deepest and most eternal of love– a Mother’s love.
Cameron was an amazing little girl who died on January 19, 2006. She was truly one of the most precious people to ever walk this earth. As her parents, we will never be able to express the loss we feel now that Cameron is gone.