My wish for you this Christmas is that you have all the ones you love near. I hope you feel the spirit of the love of Jesus. I hope angels watch over you from above, looking down with love. Peace to you on this blessed night.

Cameron, your mama loves you sweetheart. As we lie down for bed, I know that something is missing. You, my precious child, should be here with us. Not so that you can be with us, but so that we can be with you. We need you and we do not know how to go on without you. Kennedy is sad, and I and GrAnn-ma. Daddy is sad too, although he won’t admit it. Sadness accompanies us every step of the way. Yet we are blessed to have one another, blessed to be bound together in love for you. I hope you have a beautiful Christmas in Heaven.

Love always,
Mama

I just want to remind you mamas to hold your babies. They don’t stay little long enough. Tonight I cradled my 22 month old in my arms and watched her fall asleep. We sat in front of the Hope Tree. She is my little Carington Hope– proof that life goes on after tragedy.

Thanks to Scott Harris. He helps iron out the kinks when I have problems with the blog. Scott– I appreciate you!

This Christmas, I decided to put up a special tree just for Cameron.  I call it the Hope Tree.  Every ornament either says the word Hope, is an angel or is pink or purple.  I put it in front of the mantle downstairs and decorated the mantle with Hope words and angels as well.  Several are actually angels which have the word hope on them.  It has been very emotionally exciting for me to do this project.  I got very focused on that tree and stalled somewhat on getting our other decorations put up.  I love my Hope Tree.  At night, I turn out all the lights downstairs except for the Christmas lights.  I sit in front of that tree and smile.  I still try not to let my mind wander too much, but I feel closer to Cameron when I’m sitting at the Hope Tree.  Sometimes it helps to find a special way to connect with our lost loved ones.  Doing something like this helps me feel that I will see her again one day.

I met some new friends on my 3 day, 60 mile walk in Dallas.  Pam Dewey actually works for Hit Home Entertainment.  They own Barney!!  She sent me a box of about 70 Barney books as well as some beautiful Angelina Ballerina book marks.  I am already putting them to good use at the clinic and Derrick has mailed some shipments to some shelters.

I also received a box of books from some old friends– Greg and Amy Whorton from Hot Springs.  Their book club collected books for us.  We got some really great ones– chapter books that can be for older kids.

Our latest donations have gone out to Cherished Heart Beat in Heber Springs, River Valley Shelter for Battered Women and Children,  and Children’s Emergency Shelter– Fort Smith.  I have also taken a replenishment to the Children’s Clinic at Willow Creek.  I have moved to a new building and needed some new books for my patients.  If anyone ever runs across books in Spanish, I would love to have some.  Gracias!!

I just went back and reviewed the list of all the donors to Cameron’s Memorial Fund over the past year.  What a blessing!  I am so thankful that we have friends and family who love us and want to help us remember Cameron.  Please know that I do appreciate each and every donation.  I sometimes forget to post on the blog the details about each gift.  But I know of your generosity and am truly thankful. 

It is so easy to get bogged down in the daily grind.  I know that I, for one, am tired and busy.  I forget to slow down and appreciate people and gifts from above.  I am thankful for hope.  Hope has saved me from myself.  It has never allowed me to get too low.  No matter how sad or angry I have ever been, I have always had a glimmer of hope.  I pray the same is true for you.  Merry Christmas to everyone.  You are loved.

Susan