Cameron was an amazing little girl who died on January 19, 2006. She was truly one of the most precious people to ever walk this earth. As her parents, we will never be able to express the loss we feel now that Cameron is gone. 2 years ago…
Two years ago on January 19th, it happened. I remember that Cameron had slept in my bed with me the night before. She had fallen asleep wearing her cloths, a blue outfit with kittens and a patterned skort. She was a late sleeper, but once she got up was able to completely get herself ready for school. I went into the bathroom where she was brushing her hair and noticed the top she had put on was a pajama top. I told her, and rather than be embarrassed she just laughed. She changed shirts and we took off for school.
We usually said a “morning prayer” in the car on the way to school. That day we prayed for Brooklynn because she was sick. We got to the school and parked across the street– like always. I had all three girls with me. I approached the street and looked both ways. The girls stopped and waited for me to give the okay before they walked across. I saw the truck approaching. I saw the driver. He was driving very slowly and looking ahead toward the cross walk. I thought he was stopping. I gathered my girls and said “let’s go.” It wasn’t until I was almost struck by the truck that I realized he hadn’t stopped. He just kept right on driving– slowly, straight ahead through the crosswalk. I was able to stop myself and two of my girls. But Cameron was one step ahead of me. And one step was all it took.
Even after he hit her, the driver kept on going. He had to be flagged down after I screamed. I handed off my baby and 4 year old and then looked down to see Cameron in the street. I knew immediately she was gone. Instantly I had to face the reality that I had lost her. I tried anyway to save her. I called my husband and told him to meet me at the hospital. The ambulance came and we were taken away. In the ambulance I talked to the paramedics, told them I was a pediatrician, asked if there was anything I could do. I told them it was okay, gave them a look like I knew. The woman said “Ma’am, we have to try.”
I had to tell my husband that our daughter was gone. I had to tell my dad on the phone. It was so unreal. I was in such shock. I am still in shock sometimes. It doesn’t seem like two years– it seems like yesterday. It seems like forever.
I will always miss and love my baby girl. I will always be her Mama. I have no words to say what she meant to me. I can only hope to keep going. I must make her proud. I must keep her spirit alive!
Posted in Bereaved parents, Susan's diary |
January 19th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
You and your family are in my thoughts everyday. But especially today and the days leading up to this day. I can’t believe that it has been two years, because it does still seems like it just happened.
I think the things that you are doing in Cameron’s name are a wonderful way to keep her spirit alive and you should be very proud of the difference you and your family are making in other children’s lives.
Cameron’s GrAnn-Ma sounds like a wonderful person and a very proud grandparent. I’m glad that she found the strength to write her letter to the editor to honor Cameron.
I know that there are some days that are better than others for you, but I sincerely hope that with the wonderful support of your family and friends that there will be more of the better days ahead for you, your husband and your little girls.
Thinking of you at this difficult time,
Theresa, Jimmy, Evan and Cole Canant
January 20th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
Susan, these are such sweet and precious memories of our darling Cameron. Of course, they are also horrifying. I wish I could have been there with you to see you through this day. I’m sorry you were alone. Thank you for telling the world your story.
Love,
Mom
January 29th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
I love you all so much and my heart hurts for you each day. I know this was another hard month for you, but hopefully the love of friends and family is keeping you going!
take care
Carrie
February 10th, 2008 at 9:31 pm
You’re the Strongest Person I’ll ever know. I miss my Cam-C!!