Tomorrow, our baby girl turns one year old!  On January 31st of last year, I was at the clinic working and a heavy snow started to fall.  I went to my OB appointment around noon and according to the doctor, still had a few days to go until my baby arrived.  The due date was Feb   10th. I remember wanting to make it to February, so January could be Cameron’s month.  I came home that afternoon excited about having a baby on the 6th of Feb– the date my OB and I has settled on for induction.  Derrick and I finally committed to the name Carington.  We had picked out the middle name, Hope, almost as soon as we found out she was to be a girl. 

At 4:30 A.m. on Feb 1, my water broke.  This is exactly the time and same way my labor started with Cameron.  There was no denying it was time to go to the hospital.  I think my parents were in shock when I called them.   They drove carefully from Rogers on the snow.  Mom, Derrick and I arrived at the hospital around 6:00.  Carington was born at about 11:30 a.m.   7 lbs 15 oz, 20 3/4 inches long. 

I am sad that she will be one tomorrow.  It is causing me a lot of anxiety.  She is my baby girl.  Just like Cameron was.  Cameron was the first, Carington the last.  How do I know that she will be safe?  She has brought real joy to my life during a time that joy was stripped away from me; a time during which I thought I might not survive.  Carington is my hope. and Cameron is my inspiration.  And Kennedy and Brooklynn have given me a reason to keep going when my will to go on was otherwise missing in action.  My girls– they are all so precious to me.  I want to be the best mom to all of them.  I want them to live and prosper and contribute to this world in a positive way.

Happy Birthday, Carington Hope.  Happy February.  Good-bye to another January.  I keep holding on to the past, but the days keep rolling on.  2008 is here.  Let’s make it a year to make a difference.  It’s another chance to make Cameron proud. 

Thanks to the support and prayers of our friends and family, we made it through the 2nd anniversary of Cameron’s death.  We heard from lots of people, and had a nice group over on Saturday.  My dad offered some thoughts to us, though there is no way to accept or process what happened to Cameron.  Her death was, and continues to be, so unfair.  She was such an asset to this planet.  She left too soon.  And we suffer at the loss of her.  But we continue on in our lives.  I am grateful to be able to do that.  It is never easy, but it is so important to keep going.  The example we set for our children and for others is critical.  It is only through the spirit of Cameron guiding me, that I am able to be that person.

This is a letter I wrote and sent to the editor of the McAlester Capital News:

 I am writing this letter on the occasion of the second anniversary of the death of my granddaughter, Cameron Averitt Bobbitt.

 Cameron was the child of my heart.  Because of her mother’s severe case of endometriosis, she had to be conceived with the help of fertility specialists.  The process was very painful and expensive and carried no guarantee of success.  On my birthday in the year 1999, two perfect embryos were planted in my daughter’s womb.  I was fortunate to be the only family member to see them under a microscope before they were implanted.  They were perfect circles, one much larger than the other.  Only one survived.  That one became Cameron Averitt Bobbitt.

 Following the wonderful privilege of seeing her before she began to grow in the womb, I was present at her birth.  Hers was the first birth I had ever witnessed.  I was in awe of the wonderful miracle, and my joy and excitement were complete.  I felt an instant connection with this tiny baby.  After all, I had known her from her beginning.

 As I gazed into her face for the first time, I felt that it was not the first time at all.  I knew I had seen her many times.  I had studied that face in the ultra-sound photos; I had seen it as part of a microscopic circle; and it was the very face of her mother.

 Throughout Cameron’s short life I would tell her, “I was the first person to ever see you alive.” 

I think she knew that what I really meant was that I loved her more than words could say, because one time she replied, “I was the first person to ever see you alive too!”

 When you reported Cameron’s death, you gave information about the driver, Mr. Max Kenyon, but you did not tell very much about Cameron orher family.  You quoted Mr. Joslin, superintendent of Frink School, as saying the family was new to the community and virtually unknown.  You did not mention that Cameron’s mother was a physician who had been recruited by the hospital to serve the area because it was medically under served.

 I am writing this letter to correct the impression you gave that Cameron was an insignificant, unknown person whose death didn’t matter.  It mattered very much to me.

Two years ago on January 19th, it happened.  I remember that Cameron had slept in my bed with me the night before.  She had fallen asleep wearing her cloths, a blue outfit with kittens and a patterned skort.  She was a late sleeper, but once she got up was able to completely get herself ready for school.  I went into the bathroom where she was brushing her hair and noticed the top she had put on was a pajama top.  I told her, and rather than be embarrassed she just laughed.  She changed shirts and we took off for school. 

We usually said a “morning prayer” in the car on the way to school.  That day we prayed for Brooklynn because she was sick.  We got to the school and parked across the street– like always.  I had all three girls with me.  I approached the street and looked both ways.  The girls stopped and waited for me to give the okay before they walked across.  I saw the truck approaching.  I saw the driver.  He was driving very slowly and looking ahead toward the cross walk.  I thought he was stopping.  I gathered my girls and said “let’s go.”  It wasn’t until I was almost struck by the truck that I realized he hadn’t stopped.  He just kept right on driving– slowly, straight ahead through the crosswalk.  I was able to stop myself and two of my girls.  But Cameron was one step ahead of me.  And one step was all it took.

Even after he hit her, the driver kept on going.  He had to be flagged down after I screamed.  I handed off my baby and 4 year old and then looked down to see Cameron in the street.  I knew immediately she was gone.  Instantly I had to face the reality that I had lost her.  I tried anyway to save her.  I called my husband and told him to meet me at the hospital.  The ambulance came and we were taken away.  In the ambulance I talked to the paramedics, told them I was a pediatrician, asked if there was anything I could do.  I told them it was okay, gave them a look like I knew.  The woman said “Ma’am, we have to try.”

I had to tell my husband that our daughter was gone.  I had to tell my dad on the phone.  It was so unreal.  I was in such shock.  I am still in shock sometimes.  It doesn’t seem like two years– it seems like yesterday.  It seems like forever.

 I will always miss and love my baby girl.  I will always be her Mama.  I have no words to say what she meant to me.  I can only hope to keep going.  I must make her proud. I must keep her spirit alive!

Well, its the beginning of a new year and once again the anniversary of Cameron’s death.  Her “Heaven Day” is January 19–  and this will be the 2nd anniversary.  Pray for our family as we struggle through this difficulty time of memories and grief.

We have lots of new books and Derrick has sent out many parcels recently.  The lucky recipients are mostly shelters and schools around the state.  These include Benton County Sunshiine School, Benton County Women’s Shelter, Elizabeth Richardson Center, EOA Children’s House, NW AR Children’s Shelter, Helen R. Walton Children’s Center in Bentonville, and Kid’s First in Fort Smith.  We hope these children enjoy the books that you have shared with us, and we in turn with them through the inspiration of Cameron.

We also were featured in the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette this past weekend.  The new article is available for viewing through a link above on this page.

This is an article I wrote for our church newsletter concerning the Christmas Book Drive for Cameron’s Amazing Book Club.

During the Christmas season of 2006 my daughter-in-law Catherine and I decided we wanted to give something to Susan and Derrick Bobbitt that would let them know we had not forgotten that this was to be our first Christmas without Cameron.  We settled on children’s books because Cameron had such a love of reading.  She had listened to books all her life, knowing when to turn the page when she was only a few months old.  As a kindergarten student, she had just started to read on her own when she was tragically killed while crossing the road in front of her school.

We thought we would have enough books to supply the waiting room at Susan’t clinic, but the response was too overwhelming for that.  Our many friends had been so touched by Cameron’s life and death that we had collected over 200 books by Christmas.  Cameron’s family delivered books to many local organizations that serve children.  Central Tiny Tots was one of the groups that received books.  All through the year books have continued to pour in.  These have been distributed throughout the state of Arkansas.

This year new friends that Susan and Derrick have made since moving to Fayetteville have created some beautiful collection boxes for a Christmas book drive.  One of these boxes has been placed at Central United Methodist Church.  Any children’s books you donate will be lovingly distributed to children so that they may experience the joy of reading just like Cameron.

Ann Averitt, Cameron’s grandmother