I am so blessed with special friends like Allison Tanner. You hold such a dear place in my heart. Allison’s daughter Sarah sent several books to us for our book club with her mother when I saw her in October. Sarah, these books have found new homes!!

A special thank you to Emma Harvey. She is a seven year old who met Brooklynn in dance class when both were two years old! She has been so kind to collect books for her birthday year after year. Emma, what a treat it is to have you remember and bless us this way!

Thank you to Ms. Mary Ellis from Mcalester Oklahoma for her Christmas donation. She was Cameron’s mothers-day-out teacher and a fellow Arkansan.  Thank you, Ms Mary, for always remembering our sweet Cameron.

 We are also blessed that Liz Cotham Furman from New Jersey made a substantial donation to Cameron’s fund in memory of her high school friend, Meredith Hawkins. Liz and Meredith were both classmates of Susan at Little Rock Central High. God bless you, Liz and Merd.

Received books from Chad Cooper, Fayetteville, Arkansas.   I mailed these books to 6 different Childen’s Shelters throughout Arkansas.

Angela Watkins from Mcalester, OK.  The Harvey Family in Fayetteville, AR.  A speical donation from Olga Kay Greene.  Olga is my great Aunt and Cameron’s great, great Aunt.  She lives in Washington D.C.  It is kind people like this that helps us deal with the lose of our wonderful Cameron.  Derrick Bobbitt.

Dear Meredith:

I went to your funeral this weekend.  It is hard to believe after all these years I’ve known you, that you are really gone.  Since 9th grade you have been a part of my life– whether in the same town or far away.  We have lost touch recently, but I have kept you on my heart. Yours was a tortuous journey.

Meredith, you taught me something this weekend.  I have spent the last 5 1/2 years bitter and feeling spiritually abandonned.  I have felt cheated and angry.  I’ve walked around with this chip on my shoulder because of what happened to Cameron.  I have forgotten to step back,  take a look at my life and realize  I have been blessed.  I am blessed.

You always struggled to find your way.  I don’t think you have been happy since the day I met you.  You felt like an alien in your own skin.  You looked for happiness and truth and acceptance in many places, but you never found it.  You had a hard life.  But now, this life is over and I believe you can finally find that peace you searched for all your days.  You can truly rest.  You are finally safe.

Cameron never suffered from a lack of joy.  She had confidence and she felt loved.  She was able to connect and relate to people in a special, almost angelic, way. She never had to fight the demons that you fought.  She never had to experience emotional pain, the kind that tears at your heart, right to the core of your being.  She never went through Hell on Earth.  And for that I am now thankful.

The two of you have found the same place in the end.  It is the place we will all go when our time has come.  Your circumstances were so different.  You needed to be healed in a way that this earth could not provide.  Cameron was an innocent child who hadn’t yet had the opportunity to make choices to her own detriment.   Yet you are now both His.  Maybe– as I’m often told– you always were.  The fact that I am even thinking this, let alone writing it, is a huge leap for me.  For that I thank you, Meredith.

You must be speaking to me now, and telling me what you couldn’t when you were here.  What you are saying IS important, and I am listening to you, friend.  I hope that you will truly rest in peace.  You don’t have to hurt anymore. 

I am sending love to your family.  They are in the dawn of your passing, and there are dark days ahead.  They will mourn you.  They will have emotions of anger, guilt, relief, denial…  They will hurt and ache for the loss of you.  You are their flesh and blood.  They will need something to get them through this.  I pray for them what helped me survive— hope.  I wish for them to lean of that mustard seed of faith when it all seems just too unfathomable.  My faith was shaken in a massive way.  It was like a fragile flower standing alone on an open field.  The wind blew harder than ever and when it had passed by the flower was wilted and hung its head.  But time, and sunshine, and rain, and other flowers have encouraged it to stand again.  And it is moving up, finally able to open its petals toward the sun.  Thank you for helping me to get a step closer.  I’m getting there.  I can almost see the light!  Shine on, Meredith.  Love and Peace be yours!

Love, Su

Today we went by and saw the new stone in the garden at the Walton Arts Center. Its from GrAnn-ma and Grandpa in memory of Cameron. It is so nice to have her honored in this way. She loved seeing shows at the Arts Center when she visited Northwest Arkansas. It is such a great place to experience the arts. Thanks Mom and Dad!

Thanks to Denise, Erick and E.J. for the great board books in honor of Cameron’s birthday. We couldn’t ask for better neighbors!!!

Dear Cameron– I miss you today and everyday. Most people say that I am so strong to have survived your death. I say, it is unfair and unreasonable to ask a mother– any mother, to survive without her child. It is not right to have to witness your child being injured and taking her last breath. But no one asked me. It just happened. I have survived, but not by choice.
You are missed for so many reasons, baby girl. I miss your smile. I miss your hugs and kisses. I miss the way you looked at me as if you knew my heart. I miss getting to watch you grow up, see the changes that happen to you and because of you. I miss your life.
We all miss you. Me, Daddy, Kennedy, Brooklynn, GrAnn-ma and Grand-pa. What amazes me more than anything, though, is that Carington misses you. She truly loves you. She understands how special you were and even seems to know you. It’s so mature and just even spiritual in the way she talks of you and expresses love for you. At church she sometimes hears a sad or touching song and says, “this song makes me think about Cameron. I miss her.”
I am so proud of your family, Sweetheart. I hope that you can look down and see us. Your daddy has really become this phenomenal Dad. He is so involved in your sisters’ lives. He helps with homework, volunteers at the school, coaches all their sports. He is the best father I could ask for and you are the one that made him a dad. I thank you for being his first born child and creating this amazing parent for my children.
Kennedy is such a beautiful girl. She is empathetic and so good at making friends. She is athletic and smart. She is so much like you. She wants to make you proud. You were the big sister she looked up to and wanted to emulate. And she has, baby, in so many ways. I am so proud of the young lady she is becoming.
Brooklynn is my little free-spirited girl! She always seems to have a theme song playing in her head. She is constantly moving and “thinking”. She is so imaginative. She is sweet and cute and loving. She gives me great hugs. She is well liked by others. Remeber how you always made her laugh as a baby? Even when no one else could. And she looks a lot like you.
My little Carington Hope—she is truly my survival. She is one who pulled me out of my deepest, darkest place. She came along and I held her and held her. I poured my heart into loving her. Now she is filled with love and compassion and energy. She smiles and hugs everyone and they feel happy to know her. Her spirit seems like it comes from someplace otherworldly– and I know where that place is. I know that you are with her. She has a piece of you. And that keeps me going. Thank you for that.
I am so blessed to have a chance to be involved with families and children. I help them on their journey as families and I try to do the best I can for them. It is my honor to help take care of them. The babies and children that I see bring joy to their parents just as you brought me so much joy in my life. I do what I do to honor you and it is because of you that I am able to play that role in their lives. I never knew what I was doing until you came along. Now I get it– I know what it is to be a mom. And that makes me a better pediatrician.
Cameron, your effect on my life is immeasurable. Your life brought me so much happiness and pride. Your death has brought me more pain than I ever thought I could bear. But I wouldn’t trade one minute of the time we had together. I love you my dear, sweet angel.

Love always and forever,

Mama

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